Rantings and ravings

solid state has new songs on myspace!!!!!

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:29:36 GMT

yay! new recordings from our live show last friday at airplay cafe!!! i'm so psyched with how they all turned out. please check it out, if you have a moment. your ears will thank you! and so will i!

sweets is the biggest fanboy ALIVE!!!!!!!!!

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:42:35 GMT

and that's pretty much all i have for the moment. except AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

boys are dumb

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:26:40 GMT

and also they are stupid.

i guess i need to let go of expectations in every direction, huh? i chatted via im with hachem last friday, and we talked a lot about being able to get in touch with each. we finally exchanged phone numbers, so we could text to each other know when we might be around to have another voip conversation. and i thought: yippee! now i can stop having these long periods of not hearing from him or being able to get in touch with him! so we exchanged a couple of texts, and then he basically stopped getting back to me. finally on sunday night, i emailed him saying i had had a good weekend and i hoped he had one too, but that not talking to him made me sad. and now it's tuesday and i still haven't heard from him. so no communication since friday. grrrrrrr. it makes me crazy in my head and also i get blue!

plus i am having a bad clothes day. i had an outfit all laid out last night (cowl neck shirt, wrap black cardigan, denim pencil skirt--great, right?) but this morning when i put it on, it was horrible! stupid cowl neck shirt. so i was late to work (not that it matters much) because i was throwing clothes around til 7:20. and i'm still unhappy! stupid top. it neither flatters nor comforts. and really a shirt should do at least one of those two things, don't you think? i think if i were famous, go_fug_yourself would be all up in my bizness over this one.

and also last night i had a total freak out because i can't find the email i think i sent to the club we're supposed to be playing this weekend saying that we'd take the show and now i'm not sure if we are actually slotted to play! which mistake would SUCK monumentally if i fucked that up. aside from the fact that our show on halloween was awesome and i can't wait to play again, the boys would be mad at me, a lot of people who were waiting for this particular show to come see us would miss it...and i would feel awful. so i'm just waiting to hear from the owner of the club to let me know if i blew it or not....

and while i'm complaining, on saturday as i was leaving my performance coach's house, it was raining and i slipped down her front stairs since i was wearing my oh-so-practical black-sequined steve madden slippers ($49.99 nordstrom!) and gave myself some indescribably wretched scrapes: one about 5" long down my left shin! so my leg aches, the spots on the top of my feet where i scraped as well are kind of achy and itchy, and i feel crappy in my head, heart, and shirt.

wasn't i supposed to feel like this yesterday since it was monday?

what's your deal and is god dead?

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 04:58:22 GMT

community wins!!!!!!!

also white collar is terrific!

thanks to you fabulous friends who have helped. i still have more shows to try out and that thrills me to no end!

what ever should i do?

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 03:18:56 GMT

so flist.....

tell me some good reasons why i should catch up on castle, dollhouse, gossip girl, and sanctuary......i haven't been watching them at all and feel like mebbe i ought.

and if you can't tell me why i should be watching them....what else should i be watching i might not?

thanks and smooches!

my heart is a little bit broken again....

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 20:42:08 GMT

just watched the final episode of defying gravity and i have that awful feeling of loss. i know i was warned not to get too attached, but it was so damn good and so full of possibility, and it's just done. i was so gripped by it: the characters, the stories, the mythology that was building, the overall look of the show, and the mystery. not to mention ron livingston was carving his niche in my little "men i love" pantheon. damn abc for being so fucking shortsighted. how unusual for a network to fail on such a grand scale......fuck.

um. in other less fannish news, on friday when i was playing hooky, i spoke to hachem for the first time in 21 years using gmail's voip. it was strange and intense and wonderful and weird and i'm gripped with the impulse to hop a plane to tunisia. but i won't, so no worries--at least not yet. i really want him to come here actually and think that might be nearly impossible as well (just how easy is it for an arab to come into the us these days?). it is perhaps as he tells me, destiny keeping us apart. that we're actually star-crossed. and that's nearly as heart-breaking now as it was 20 years ago when we met in paris.

meanwhile i have to keep my head about me so i can continue to do the job i hate during the day. and do all the many other things i love--like my band! i love my band! the show friday was mediocre at best although i sounded good. the boys had some problems, and tyler especially was nervous and then broke a string so there was that. but i had a great time and britton kept telling me i was holding them all together which felt terrific plus i looked great--miss anita at the lancôme counter in the lloyd center nordstrom did my make-up and it was fantastic--all sexy, smoky eyes...very glam! and i can't wait for our show next weekend at the alberta st pub.

well i'm off to hang with my bro and the nephews and then i'm seeing ragtime tonight with my friend liz. all in all, not a bad weekend!

my heart is a little bit broken

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 11:13:07 GMT

i just finished re-watching dogfight which i haven't seen since it came out in '91. and watching river phoenix was like a revelation. and now i'm leaking tears and missing this poor boy. what a loss.

couple o' fics

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:10:06 GMT

this is awesome. seriously. sheldon/penny in the best most believable way.

and also this from glee. will/emma. omg. i love them. and i love this show. in a "i haven't felt like this since forever" kind of way. they could call it joy if it weren't such a terrible idea. but that's what it fills me with: joy. and glee. so i guess they can leave it.

tell me why the unrequited or thwarted love is the best kind? tell me...........

you're an ethnological trope.

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 06:17:39 GMT

sometimes i really love bones.

and also "sex up." come on now!

plus you should see my new haircut. it's so rock n roll. if i could figure out how, i'd take a pic with my blackberry and show you. that may be more techy than i can manage at this late hour.

that's not hate, that's foreplay.

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 06:52:13 GMT

i rest my case.

where i work pt. 2

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:00:42 GMT

i just now sent to the collegial team with whom i work, this vaguely vocabularily-challenging teaser:

1. Childlike interest for information dispatched a well-known
carnivorous animal.

2. Assiduously refrain from affecting a census of the expected progeny
of the barnyard fowl preceding their emergence from the sheathing
calcareous encrustation.

3. Individuals who inhabit domiciles constructed of a transparent,
fragile, silicious compound must avoid projecting missiles.

4. Immediately upon the absence of the domesticated carnivorous
feline, the common house rodent proceeds to engage in sportive capers.

5. It is in the realm of possibility to entice an equine member of the
animal kingdom to a source of oxidized hydrogen; however, it is not
possible to to force it to imbibe.

6. Sparkle and scintillation are not always identification for an
auric substance.

7. persons deficient in judgment hasten to undertake that which winged
celestials hesitate to assume responsibility.

8. It is the final bit of dried grass that, affixed to the burden
previously acquired, induces a rupture of the dorsal portion of the
ship-of-the-desert.

9.The best loved flower in the world, if provided with a cognomen
different than that established by the Vienna code, would yet emit by
means of its essential oils and esters an aromatic effervescence
similar in all respects to that obtaining if the correct terminology were used.

we'll see what happens and if any of them can figure these out. if they can't, i think i may have to shoot myself. or them.

thanks to the grammarpolice comm for the game.

well they say it's for young adults

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:23:11 GMT

but there are some great titles on this list that i've missed too! man, i repeat for the millionth time: i love the intarwebz! i mean where else you gonna get a list of novels that every science fiction buff connoisseur aficionado inamorata ought to read?

in other news, i love my band. i hate my job. why can't i be a rock star and just quit? if nothing else, i'm hoping to get a book out of this whole ordeal.

and if you're anywhere near the portland metropolitan area this friday, you should come see me at red room on 82nd at midnight. it's where i'll be doing the job i love.

where i work

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:52:06 GMT

ok so this morning at yet another interminable "team" meeting, i used the word "obstreperous" to describe some of the students. at that moment, all five pairs of eyes turned towards me as though i'd broken into greek or sumerian and, nearly as one, chimed, "hey there...words" or "this is middle school."

there are no eyes big enough to roll largely enough. none.

this is where i work.

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 17:21:25 GMT

via trillingstar who is a star indeed!

eta hmm linkies no workie! hmm

meme du jour aka god, i'm such a virgo!

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 17:13:58 GMT

* Find your birth month and paste it at the top.
* Strike what doesn't apply; highlight what does.
* Post that and all twelve months under an LJ cut.

by way of bonorattle :

SEPTEMBER: ~~Suave and compromising.~~ Careful, cautious and organized. ~~Likes to point out people's mistakes.~~ Likes to criticize. Stubborn. ~~Quiet but~~ able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. ~~Secretive.~~ Loves leisure and traveling. ~~Hardly shows emotions.~~ Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves travelling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

match dot bomb

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 23:47:44 GMT

every once in a while, i head over to match.com to see what all the fuss is about. or the not fuss. and i look through the 'gentlemen' who populate the 35-45 year old age bracket and live in or around portland. and it bums me out. there are some seemingly nice fellows. a few who are intriguing looking, who seem intelligent enough etc. but mostly i think, shit i live in the wrong place! damn you pacific northwest! all these guys with their kayaks and their mountain bikes and their ball caps and their FLEECE!!!!!!! arrrgggghhhhh! i don't fit into that profile picture at all. give me a movie. take me to france. cook me a dinner. read me a book. ok i'll take a walk with you and maybe even a moderate hike but do not expect me to strap anything to my feet and head down any sort of hill. that will not happen.

i've matched before. i had a profile once or twice even. but damn it if i can ever get any play. my "friend" elsa says (she of the nordic 6' tall skiing body) having a match.com account is like having a part-time job. RIGHT. a part-time job. now you see the reason for the quotes around friend. yeah, mine's more like the 150 resumes you send out hoping you'll get one interview at that crappy accessories shop in the mall.

i know it's not supposed to be about appearances, but it totally is. and i've never had much confidence in that arena. my weight made that very hard for me. i mean, i always dressed well and worked with what i had, but i've definitely not been the expected height/weight proportional. and this makes a difference--whether that's in my head or the reality; it ultimately makes no difference as we apparently make our own reality. now my body's pretty different since the surgery, 80 pounds off will do that to you. i'm in size larges now and 14s are starting to get too big. and sometimes i think, wow. i'm beautiful. which is nice. but not all the time--that takes time. you know 30 years of feeling pretty shitty about how you look doesn't go away in a snap.

now i'm curious. if i put a profile together, will it just be the standard disappointment or will things be different? and given how much energy it's been taking for me to just do my fucking job. god i hate my job. do i really have the energy to deal with dating or being disappointed? am i jinxing myself merely by thinking the vaguely negative thoughts? why can't i just move to belgium, date maurice and forget all this stupid crap!

and someone tell me please why oh why crap like vampire diaries is on tv when life, chuck, the middleman, and firefly are not? WHY!!!!!!?????? see i know what's really important! never you fear!

anyway. friends are coming over for soup so i'd better skedaddle--there's jewish penicillin that needs a-warmin'!

omg it's sex!

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:45:32 GMT

you guys!!!!! if you need to know how your sexual desires hold up to the church you need look no further than this flow chart! never be a sinner again!!!!! man i love boingboing!

defying gravity etc

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:46:09 GMT

oh wow you guys! this show is pretty awesome! ron livingston is fun to watch. he gets that balance between angstyness, hotness, and wry comedian that i adore, and the overall look of the show is fantastic. plus it's totally intriguing and has vague moments of creepiness that i like but it's not scary. at least not yet....this is so much more interesting to me than flash forward. of course, they are substantially different from each other but i'm already more invested in the characters and the story. ooh new show!!! so exciting!

um also i watched stargate universe last night and well i thought it was pretty good not great but i liked the production values a lot. and i'm curious to see where it all goes. i know the fandom was underwhelmed but i'm feeling pretty good about it.

yes playing hooky is damned good for catching up on tv, doncha know!

also i need some new icons. i'm bored with my current list.....

fannish update

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:59:31 GMT

so aside from courtney cox being really beautiful and not looking forty and so having a slightly hard time buying her "i'm so old" bit, cougar town is funny, witty, cute, silly, has a great cast, and i laughed out loud several times. colored me surprised!

house is seems to be backing off from the huddy stuff which i know makes some despondent and some ecstatic....oh fandom, how you split! but i still love me some hugh and his eyes make me go "guh!" so i'm just happy to see him regularly again.

i'm intrigued by fast forward though i have to say that having brits play american is getting wearisome. don't we have a few actors who could pull off an fbi agent or a doctor? or better yet, couldn't the brits just play brit? i find myself distracted by listening to the accents, trying to catch the wrong "a" instead of just watching the shows.....

i haven't caught up on big bang theory or himym but they're waiting for me on my hard drive where all good things live. also someone in england decided it was time to make another version of emma with romola garai and who am i not to watch anything related to jane austen? so i've got that.

plus there's dexter to watch and the new, although i guess, much maligned stargate: universe as well as catching up on dollhouse and bones and holy crap there are not enough hours in the day! good thing i called in sick today! i can definitely put my sniffly nose to good work lying here and watching tv, right?

also have any of you discovered manna bread? it's yeast-free and made from sprouted wheat and fruit so it's really high in fiber and protein and tastes like cake! it's my current morning delight. that and a cup of coffee with silk creamer and i'm in heaven.

oh and super happy birthday wishes to a2zmom ! i hope you have a wonderful birthday! oh and i missed skywardprodigal 's as well as a bunch of others (corellianjedi , anr , ixchup your names come to mind) so consider yourself duly belatedly wished very happy!

have a great day y'all!

so you just wanna look it up?

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 17:22:00 GMT

good luck!

why finding the really useful words in the dictionary is so hard (that's what she said.....!)

didn't we meet on a yacht?

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 02:38:25 GMT

oh i felt like a kid again watching himym! yippeee!! the magic's back!

and now on to the house season premier. can't wait!

man.....

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:30:23 GMT

so i haven't been around, that's not news, but today for the first time in simply ages, i had a couple of minutes, during class no less, to scan my flist and see what's up.....and, of course, since the fall shows have started, and i 'm weeks behind (apparently three if i'm counting correctly--bones is already at ep 3 as is supernatural, and i think big bang theory and himym are back already, and did i miss the premier of house?) man. anyway, there are all these posts i can't click on or even glance at really. which bums me out and makes me feel like i have to work to catch up so i can participate! sheesh! people, people, friends of mine, show the shit down! can we do something about the rapid turning of the earth while we're at it? i mean does it really have to revolve fully every 24 hours? why not 30 hours or so? think of it.....i could use the sleep. couldn't you?

anyway. here's hoping i'll get a few minutes later on in, say, the next month to come back and read all your adventures and reactions to all this great tv. hey, did i hear that dollhouse is starting up again tonight? that's neato.

also i want to point out my mood theme: geeky. that is my all-time favorite musical moment from the show....when he's rocking out to the commodores, slippery when wet. simply smashing! later when i'm at my home computer, i'll link the song so you can hear the brilliance of it, if you don't know it already.

still breathing......

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 17:11:31 GMT

i know it's been weeks since i've posted. i've dropped out of livejournalland and entered the realm of the Eighth Grade. it's been a drastic crazy shift for me one that's largely unwelcome and sucky. i'm deeply lucky that i have an incredibly driven and committed team of teachers working with me who hand me tons of curriculum, otherwise i think i would have already gouged out my eyeballs in frustration.

but i have to go bed by 8:30 each night in order get up by 5ish to pick up my carpool partner at 6:20 to drive way too far to a school where i have to somehow muster up the energy required to do this job, ergo i can't be online nearly as much as i used to. sucks for me!

so i hope all y'all are having fun even if it is without me! i heard that the new tv season is starting up and with it all the fannishness and delight that i love, but i'll be head down, sucking it up for the children over here in east county.

anyway, just wanted to let you know i'm still alive. ish.

how was nph last night? he didn't disappoint, i'd imagine.........and did you guys hear that joss won an emmy? yeah, that's where i am. a day late and a dollar short.

love you all!

myspace favor

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 06:21:09 GMT

hiya all you marvelous flisters, i have a favor to ask of you....it's simple and easy and only hurts a moment....if you have a myspace, would you please check out my band's page and friend us? we could use the traffic and the lack of friends makes us look like losers! thank you so much!!!
much love,
me!

plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 21:58:48 GMT

well.....life just keeps surprising us, doesn't it?

i had a terrific flight home which was such a good thing since i was so against leaving. but i met a marvelous guy on the plane which made everything go better. maurice (pronounced morris) is belgian and an engineer and we had such a great conversation the whole way. and then we had coffee in atlanta before we had to say goodbye. and that was a little sad too. but he invited me back to belgium and suggested i consider moving to belgium rather than france since as he says, the french are so chauvinistic and i'll have a hard time breaking in (true enough) he also told me that the next time i come to europe, i should come see him and he'd take time off from work to be with me! very nice. also good looking and HONEST!!!! we're already facebook friends which means, you know, that we'll be BFF (snerk) and we've already exchanged a bunch of silly communiques. so that's been fun.

but more importantly, the man i was in love with in paris 20 years ago. my first true love. the man who wanted to marry me and take me off to tunisia (oh how my mother was terrified of that actually happening). the man who had disappeared into the mists of my past, contacted me through facebook!! he was actually looking for me!!!! it's hard to believe that i may find out what his life has been like and who he is now. it's really incredible. so i'm just waiting to hear back from him since i wrote back--he didn't friend me because he wasn't sure it was me. but i'm so excited to find out about this man!!!!!

it's like some strange door has opened and life has just walked through it to me. i feel so energized and alive. it's really stupendous. i remember how it felt walking through paris after i'd met and fallen in love with hachem all that time ago. the way people responded to me. the way my body moved. the way the days seemed charmed. that's how i feel right now. it's such a gorgeous feeling. and i'm just wanting to ride that high and keep this feeling.

of course, school is starting soon and i'll have a new job which i'm dreading in a very abstract and not particularly focused way. it will be what it will be and i can't do much about having to do it anyway. and i still have a few days of freedom before i go back. so i'm just going to hope to hear from hachem again soon, and maybe maurice and maybe even frédéric..........don't know about that one but it's still intriguing. and i have worked really hard on some of the translation already.......we'll see.