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i've been broken by a broken man

so i'm just sitting here reeling from the season 5 finale of house (i know, i think i need a medal for making it through 5 seasons in less than 5 weeks--either that or i need my head examined which, well, duh but it's partly to blame for why i haven't posted in a few days).  and trolling around on the internet looking for something, anything really to make me feel better.  i don't know.  i've read several reviews and browsed through some of the twop forum stuff and been by surreallis 's journal (gorgeous hugh pics, lovey!).  

and i don't even know what i'm looking for.  probably fic would help.  the last three eps of the season just broke me.  broke my heart.  broke my head too.   greg house is, i think, maybe the most compelling character i've seen on tv.  is that possible?  i think it is.  i'm racking my poor sleep-deprived brain (god forbid i start hallucinating amber) for another character who's grabbed me in such an intense visceral way.  and i can't come up with anyone.  i'm fannish about all kinds of characters, shows, and actors but house.  man.  i think i may have found my what? my moby dick?  my holy grail?   what is the thing you look for but never find?  i think i found it.  

i know there is dissent throughout houseland about ships and directions and that "it was all just a dream" is the cheap way to go, but i think it was an incredible couple of eps.  i'm was deeply impressed that they never gave anything away.  and i'm also really lucky since i started trolling for info on why house's detox happened so quickly and painlessly, that i didn't spoil my damn self!  but i was completely snowed by the whole thing and felt ultimately that of course he had to have created the happy story that wasn't even exactly happy.  nothing else would make house lose his shit completely other than losing his shit completely.   i loved the spiral of it--in the beginning he trusts his own subconscious and relies on it and then bit by bit it becomes more sinister and powerful and debilitating and finally pulls him down to full blown psychosis.  and hugh laurie.  man.  no one can do tragedy and pathos better than he.  no one.  

i have to admit that in the beginning and for the first 3 seasons (or first 2 weeks i was watching!), i was in the house/cameron camp.  i was not a fan of the direction that the show went with chase/cameron.  it bummed me out because, you know, like i need more doomed ships in my brain and heart.  but somewhere along the way, i shifted. now, i know i'm a canonical kind of shipper.  sorry, surreallis (though i know that my love of el/liv is my big exception to this rule because somehow i ship them though we're told all the time it's impossible)!  but it's true.  though i can get behind all kinds of pairings, i find that the ones that are most dear to me are the ones with canon support.   buffy/spike.  sam/jack.  barney/robin ;-)  you get the picture.  i think that's part of why i've never been much of a slash reader--largely same sex relationships on tv shows are not sexual in canon.  there may be subtext (oh and there is!) but for me, the romance aspect of it has to be on the screen for me to really buy in.  it may be pedantic or trite or plebian or unevolved but there you have it.   and this brings me to my point.  

over time, i became a house/cuddy shipper.  and i think i was shipping them even while enjoying the tension between house/cameron and beginning my customary fic-trolling (is that a verb?  it ought to be a verb), i was still digging the crazy banter, the intense energy between house and cuddy.   and now with the fifth season done, i'm fully invested.  i know with this show in particular, the happy ending will never come.  how could it?  house is too dependent on his own pain to ever have a real relationship.  i mean, every time he's had a chance to change, he's opted to stay 1) dependent on drugs and 2) dependent on misery.  i think the most telling ep was "the softer side" when he chose to continue using vicodin rather than methadone (yeah yeah i know the medical ridiculousness of this is ridiculous).  he fully believes that he can't be effective unless he's suffering.  man, i'm rambling. but i do think that this more than the issue of "once you resolve sexual tension, you ruin the show" is what will keep any real relationship from happening.  

anyway.  now we just have to wait til SEPTEMBER for more of this agony.   so ok you flisters who've suffered through this bit of thinky thoughts and are here now maybe even because you discovered that i discovered house, i need me some good house/cuddy recs.  i have all kinds of delicious house/cameron recs (thank you dear jenn!) but i need some assistance in the (oh god) huddy realm.   it would make me oh so happy!  

and now dear friends, i bid you a fond good night.  or rather good morning!   have a beautiful tuesday!
xo
julia

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( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
la_tante
Jun. 16th, 2009 05:10 pm (UTC)
i know. i need help! i think i dreamt about perineal plastic syndrome all night---people running around shouting for bags of b negtive and a crash cart!
surreallis
Jun. 16th, 2009 08:18 pm (UTC)
Hahaha! I have to be honest, even when you told me you were a House/Cameron shipper, I was... skeptical. My year in the House fandom really gave me a feel for finding House/Cam vs Huddy shippers, and I just was not getting the right vibes. Sorry. ;)

So, I have to say, I'm totally not surprised. I can't help you with those recs because I'm not even remotely a Huddy fan, but they're quite numerous so I'm sure you'll have no problems!

Also, I'll likely excuse myself from too much House conversation, because my opinion of the show has gone down drastically over the past two years. And I absolutely do not want to harsh your squee. :)
la_tante
Jun. 16th, 2009 08:59 pm (UTC)
oh no worries about harshing my squee. i think it would be hard to do and i've read most of your posts at your lj and am still in deep squee. i'm sorry you're disenchanted with house. i love sharing our common fannishness but at least we have hugh! (and never forget svu omg never!).

but i did want to say, that i really was shipping house/cameron--it was pretty intense for me for a bit, but i definitely went with the flow on this one. i was also so bummed out by the whole chase/cameron thing that it made it a lot easier to re-focus my attention elsewhere. so there you have it.

and one final thing before i stop beating this dead horse: my ship is the one that house sails. so if they went fully hoyay and wilson started wearing aprons and baking house pies, i'd probably sail on that ship. and if there was a lab tech who became a stripper and house found her working in some club, i'd probably ship that. and if amber came back to life and made a power move for house, i'd shrug off my amber-squick and grab an oar. that's just how housed i am. sigh.

surreallis
Jun. 16th, 2009 09:07 pm (UTC)
lol! That's probably the best way to be with this show! Because if you ship one pairing you WILL end up pissed off and broken-hearted in turns. Doesn't really matter which pairing you're into. It's only a matter of time. (Despite my ship leanings I'm actually of the opinion that the only ending to the series that would make sense is for House to end up alone, except for Wilson by his side as BFF.)

I'm just so disappointed, even in House himself this season. I feel like they really got shallow. The show used to be about House learning things and his addiction and the way he was finding little happinesses through his job and learning to love from other people. And that just seems so absent this season. Certainly Cameron's absence from the show has a lot to do with my bad mood toward it, but it wasn't the whole reason. *sigh* Because my Greg House crush would have sustained me if I still felt like he was the same House we had in season 1.

(Although, the moment in season 5 when he had that damn cat and was all, "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to DIE." was so hilarious to me that I almost fell in love all over again in an instant. Oh, Hugh!)

la_tante
Jun. 16th, 2009 09:28 pm (UTC)
see i think when you mainline a show the way i have done first with svu and then with house, you get the arc of a character faster and it seems much more seamless. i don't feel like house has changed all that radically but i do agree with you that cameron was/is house's heart and conscious so he's been cast adrift. but i like him trying to figure it all out.

and you know you're right. the future will be house and wilson, sitting on the deck in boca, sipping bourbon, watching the girls in bikinis parade themselves down the beach and rating them as they go by.
surreallis
Jun. 17th, 2009 02:35 am (UTC)
Probably. If you don't have as much time to absorb each ep while you're waiting for the next it probably feels different.

Some fans like the changes, some don't. It's just the way.

Have fun and carry on. ;)
tattooed_lydia
Jun. 16th, 2009 09:20 pm (UTC)
I told you the finale was crazy.
la_tante
Jun. 16th, 2009 09:39 pm (UTC)
omg it was insane. i'm actually watching it again because i am living in the same insanity as this show!
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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