and i don't even know what i'm looking for. probably fic would help. the last three eps of the season just broke me. broke my heart. broke my head too. greg house is, i think, maybe the most compelling character i've seen on tv. is that possible? i think it is. i'm racking my poor sleep-deprived brain (god forbid i start hallucinating amber) for another character who's grabbed me in such an intense visceral way. and i can't come up with anyone. i'm fannish about all kinds of characters, shows, and actors but house. man. i think i may have found my what? my moby dick? my holy grail? what is the thing you look for but never find? i think i found it.
i know there is dissent throughout houseland about ships and directions and that "it was all just a dream" is the cheap way to go, but i think it was an incredible couple of eps. i'm was deeply impressed that they never gave anything away. and i'm also really lucky since i started trolling for info on why house's detox happened so quickly and painlessly, that i didn't spoil my damn self! but i was completely snowed by the whole thing and felt ultimately that of course he had to have created the happy story that wasn't even exactly happy. nothing else would make house lose his shit completely other than losing his shit completely. i loved the spiral of it--in the beginning he trusts his own subconscious and relies on it and then bit by bit it becomes more sinister and powerful and debilitating and finally pulls him down to full blown psychosis. and hugh laurie. man. no one can do tragedy and pathos better than he. no one.
i have to admit that in the beginning and for the first 3 seasons (or first 2 weeks i was watching!), i was in the house/cameron camp. i was not a fan of the direction that the show went with chase/cameron. it bummed me out because, you know, like i need more doomed ships in my brain and heart. but somewhere along the way, i shifted. now, i know i'm a canonical kind of shipper. sorry, surreallis (though i know that my love of el/liv is my big exception to this rule because somehow i ship them though we're told all the time it's impossible)! but it's true. though i can get behind all kinds of pairings, i find that the ones that are most dear to me are the ones with canon support. buffy/spike. sam/jack. barney/robin ;-) you get the picture. i think that's part of why i've never been much of a slash reader--largely same sex relationships on tv shows are not sexual in canon. there may be subtext (oh and there is!) but for me, the romance aspect of it has to be on the screen for me to really buy in. it may be pedantic or trite or plebian or unevolved but there you have it. and this brings me to my point.
over time, i became a house/cuddy shipper. and i think i was shipping them even while enjoying the tension between house/cameron and beginning my customary fic-trolling (is that a verb? it ought to be a verb), i was still digging the crazy banter, the intense energy between house and cuddy. and now with the fifth season done, i'm fully invested. i know with this show in particular, the happy ending will never come. how could it? house is too dependent on his own pain to ever have a real relationship. i mean, every time he's had a chance to change, he's opted to stay 1) dependent on drugs and 2) dependent on misery. i think the most telling ep was "the softer side" when he chose to continue using vicodin rather than methadone (yeah yeah i know the medical ridiculousness of this is ridiculous). he fully believes that he can't be effective unless he's suffering. man, i'm rambling. but i do think that this more than the issue of "once you resolve sexual tension, you ruin the show" is what will keep any real relationship from happening.
anyway. now we just have to wait til SEPTEMBER for more of this agony. so ok you flisters who've suffered through this bit of thinky thoughts and are here now maybe even because you discovered that i discovered house, i need me some good house/cuddy recs. i have all kinds of delicious house/cameron recs (thank you dear jenn!) but i need some assistance in the (oh god) huddy realm. it would make me oh so happy!
and now dear friends, i bid you a fond good night. or rather good morning! have a beautiful tuesday!