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dipping the toes

it seems i always wind up coming back to lj.  and since my old account seems to have disappeared...no great loss though there were some sweet real journal entries of travel in france, i suppose it's time to start againish.  mostly i want the door into fandom back open for me.  i keep trolling for fic and finding myself vaguely jealous at the commraderie and cliqueishness that is this place.  and since no one in my real life does fandom the way i do--or at least not quite--i feel like i need to create links into the communities where i share this slightly psycho love of characters made up by writers and then played with like violins by other marvelous freaks like me.  of course i don't write my own.  i'm a voyeur in the realm of fic.  though i certainly have done my share of beta-reading.  oh and how i loved it.  i loved getting that first glimpse into someone else's fantasy and sharing it.  and i loved having my name show up with thanks.  and i loved the chops it gave me.  it was cool to me to help a bnf get the fic right, you know?  but those days are so long gone.  i can't imagine trying to invest myself into something online like that again.  but then i troll for fic. and i'm tempted.  tempted to try to find my feet again in the land of net.  tempted to begin courting a writer with seductive lines like--i used to beta for so and so. or i'm an english teacher.  or i love your stuff, do you need a beta?  the last of course slimier than the other 2.  but not by much.  not that it matters.  i'm in my tiny little corner of the web and no one will come looking for me unless i go out there looking for them.  but i've found some really great writers who make me super happy. 

it's such an odd thing to try to trace the history of fandom for oneself.  jessa and i tried on the phone and i discovered that as we were talking i had completely forgotten that i'd spent some time trolling for alias fic.  buffy started it for me but now i could care less.  i have absolutely no desire to see where anyone might take the scooby gang anymore.  not that i don't still love the show.  my bookshelf is happy to hold the buffy 7 year collection.  and it longs to have angel nestled up against it.  sigh.  oh angel how i miss you.  so after buffy and angel, what happened?  it took me ages to find something to really fall in love with again though i know there were shows i adored and had fun with.  oh!  i think it was, yes it was lotrips.  man, i can hardly believe it but i had such a hard on for monaboyd.  wow.  and i also really loved orlijah.  but monaboyd really floated my boat.  so crazy to think i was obsessed for a while with these stories.  some of them were so good i forgot that they were actually real people and they just became characters in some terrific angsty highly erotic pron.  oof.  i think i nearly broke something over some of that.  and man, the h/c of some of that.  that has totally spilled over into my adoration of sg1 fic too.  put sam and or jack into a jam *hee hee--jam!*  and i'm a happy girl.  and please for god's sake, don't make it easy for them.  fluff sg1 style is not my favorite cup of tea.  though i have been known to read almost anything.  and though i loved the lotrips and can see the ho-yay of sg1, i can't go there with my fic.  i'm a little too het for that.  all the jack daniel stuff winds up squicking me out although it's nearly as canon as sam and jack.  why not?  the ties are deep and that kind of energy crosses lines easily.  i guess i just love s/j too much to want to wallow in j/d.  umm and i'm still trying to find some really good sheppard/teyla fic.  i can't understand where people are getting the weir/shepperd thing.  she creeps me out!!!  too skinny and i keep thinking her anorexia is going to make all of her creepy hair fall out and then what'll she do.  hopefully being evil replicator elizabeth now will make people see the truth of--ooh i hate this contraction--sheyla.  ick.  but i guess it's better than teppard.  though not by much.

man i'm rambling.  but it feels pretty good to confess the love for fic again.  and now i can more easily comment to people and get that nice moment when the writer gets to acknowledge the reader with a "thanks for the review" note.  on that note, i have to admit how peeved i was while reading a children!sg1 fic (i know it's vaguely creepy and i read the whole, ridiculously long thing even while i was thinking how stupid the whole thing was) when the author kept addressing the readers at the fic's pages.  i didn't care much about her story, i cared even less about her cats, and most of all i was completely offended by the chronic begging for feedback.  if your story is good i will tell you.   there is no need to beg and it is totally unbecoming.   i also can't stand the need for the author's to give any exposition at the beginning or end of the story.  tell your damn story.  that's what you need to do.  i don't mind if someone feels the pressure to say thanks to the readers if they've been especially review-y.  that's fine but don't give me all this "hope you'll like this part.  i sure liked writing it!" bullshit.  if you didn't like writing it, you wouldn't write it, would you???

so i wish i could take tomorrow off.  this cold is making me so unhappy.  but i have too much to do at work tomorrow and, though you might not believe this, no one else can do my job but me.  kind of funny but true.  and i have that stupid class after school.  yuck.  i haven't done the work for it and my professor is not going to be thrilled about that since there are only 7 of us in class and my boss is one of them.  there should be a rule that principals and teachers should never be allowed to take classes together. 

well i'm kinda psyched to have an lj again.  i've been toying with the idea for ages and even began a blogspot with the thinking i'd keep track of myself there.  but since lj has the fan community i'm here.  so we'll see what happens. 
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